Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
