So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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