My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
