He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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