When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
