i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
