Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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