I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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