have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is Oprah even human
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
