you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
