sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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