I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
