Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
