I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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