His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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