My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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