Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
