At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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