If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
