Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
