Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
