my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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