Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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