Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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