Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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