omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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