You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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