Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
