For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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