You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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