after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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