I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it hurts more in the daytime
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The adults are the big ones right?
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