So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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