does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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