Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
