listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
