you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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