ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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