nut hugger
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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