his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
