I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
