how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
