The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
