I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
