Just fell off a train. Bad.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
