hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
