Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
