she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
