i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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