Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
