oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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