is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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