We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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