He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
