If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
