Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
