Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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