he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
