Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I deserve this hangover.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
